Vision
by Alia el Bolock
Summary: Meredith's having trouble with the vision... The cause? Read to find out... D  "Not Responsible" S07E16 spoiler, though there's a twist in the plot.


Ok so this is my first real GA fic… I'm working on a crossover between SG-1 and GA but this is the first pure GA fic… I'm writing it as my friend was disappointed by yesterday's episode and I decided to make it up to her the way she wanted it…..

So this story takes no regard to anything that really happened in "Not Responsible" concerning Meredith and Derek…. and the character of Dr Lam is a figment of my imagination, as I couldn't find an eye doctor we know, or maybe I just forgot him…. Oh and also couldn't figure out the name of the patient so I invented one...

So hope you enjoy… and tell me what u think…. please please please….. Here goes!

Hope you enjoy ya Fido =D

* * *

"So you wanna celebrate by drilling some burr holes?"

"Yes." she smiled widely.

"Ok. On the black mark." he gestured to the black mark on the patient's brain while handing her the surgical drill "Easy in, easy out." he explains.

She felt the drill under her touch and was filled with the adrenaline of anticipation. Her eyes were dancing with joy that the patient is getting the real treatment and that she'd have the honors of drilling the holes.

She moved the drill towards the black mark; the obvious X on the patient's skull. But suddenly the clear X mark wasn't not so clear any more. Suddenly it was blurry. Really blurry.

"What's the matter?" Derek looked at her in concern.

She squinted her eyes hardly and could clearly see the mark again.

"Nothing. I just… nothing…" and it's really nothing. She saw the mark again and everything was fine. It happens sometimes: your eyes loose focus of something and they get blurry so you need to squint to regain focus. It's just like with cameras. It's nothing!

So she shook off the idea and moved the drill even closer to the black mark, internally proud of herself that she could see the X.

She started the drill and just as it began to touch with the woman's skin and the contact started to slowly draw blood, her vision grew blurry again and she instantly stopped the drill in her hand.

"Meredith?" Derek looked up, clearly worried.

She squinted her eyes to remove the blurring, but nothing happened. She squinted again. And again. And again. And still nothing.

"My eyes… they're…." she started to explain while trying to look at him but not really being able to focus on him. Her vision grew more blurrier and darker. Someone turned out the lights? "What happened to the lights?"

"What? What's going on?" He looked at her while moving closer and the light from his head caused him to see more clearly that she was having trouble looking at him. Her pupils didn't look right. "Meredith? Can you… can you see me?" he asked not really wanting an answer, because he was afraid of the answer he was gonna get.

"I…. I…." she couldn't see him and they both knew it. He could see how her eyes darted around in panic not being able to make out her surroundings. "I can't see." she admitted.

He pointed the light more directly towards her eyes and… nothing. Nothing happened. Her pupils didn't react and she didn't even flinch. Just nothing.

"Meredith can you see anything at all?" he asked while looking at her without her registering him.

She turned her head towards the direction on his voice that was clearly more closer to her now "N.. no. Nothing.. I could at first... it was just… blurry. Like it happens but now… Oh my god Derek. I... I can't see." she was panicking now. Her once dancing eyes, were now bloting across her surroundings without any aim. With pure desperation. And she could feel the air catch up in her lungs and a lump form in her throat. She was blind!

"Take Mrs. Walker back to her room. We'll… continue this later." Derek orders the nurses before taking Meredith by her shoulders and guiding her outside.

She was reluctant to move at first. She felt like…. well she didn't really know what she was feeling like. All she knew was, that if she didn't get out of _this_ soon, if someone didn't turn on the lights, she'd loose it.

He could sense her hesitation so he whispered softly in her ears "It's alright. I've got you."

And with that she temporarily surrendered her body to his lead, like she'd done so many times before; albeit on extremely different occasions.

…..

"Sit here." he told her "I'll be right back."

"Where… where are we?" she asked trying to mask her dependance and fragility.

"The waiting chairs in front of the OR." he replies softly.

"No… I… take me to the locker room… No! Take me to an on call room. I don't want…"

"Sure. Sure… Come on." he lightly lifted her from her seat and lead her to the nearest on call room.

She stumbled along the way but he held her tightly yet gently the whole time, not allowing her to falter. He got her!

"So we're there." he informed as he sat her down on the bed.

"Lock the door."

He did as he was told before sitting next to her.

"I… I need to go, get some help."

"No!" she clung on to him almost frantically "No… don't leave me… don't leave me in the darkness."

"Ok. I won't, I won't. I'm not going anywhere. I'm right here." he immediately moved closer to her that they were almost sitting on each other and wrapped both his arms around her, in the frail attempt to save her from harm.

He paged the hospital's ophthalmologist.

"What…" she started to ask as she sensed the activity around her and didn't know what he'd done.

He could feel her discomfort and started to explain "I paged Dr Lam. He'll… you need someone to check on your eyes."

"Yes I do." she mustered up all her courage to not break out in panicked tears.

He sensed her struggle, so he gently caressed her cheeks with his fingers, causing those kept in tears to fall down without restrain.

"Hey? It's gonna be alright." he reassured her, though he wasn't really sure himself.

"You don't know that! What if… what if I… can never… Oh Derek." she buried her face inside his scrubs, eliciting tears, complimentary to hers, to fall down his cheeks.

"You're not… we'll figure this out… just like we always do… we'll figure this out." he started to stroke her hair in slow soothing movement while holding her even closer to him, if that was even possible. "We'll figure this out." he repeated almost to himself. For as much as he needed her to believe him, he needed to believe himself, even more. This can't be happening to her.

….

"Her cornea looks fine yet she still can't see. I'd suggest we get an MRI and see what we find." Dr Lam explained upon finishing his exam on Meredith.

"You think she could…" Derek didn't even want to complete the sentence. He knew the implications all too well.

"I could have a tumor." Meredith blurted out towards Derek "That's what he thinks." she was doing this acting callas, denial thing. Because if she didn't she'd scream out from anger, panic and discomfort. She was slowly suffocating inside her own body.

"I'm afraid that's a possibility." the doctor apologized sincerely "I could do the MRI myself if you…."

Derek cut in "No it's fine. I'll… do it myself."

"Very well then. I'd like to see the results as soon as you get them."

"Sure." Derek called after him.

"So you ready to take a look inside my brain." The sarcasm was dripping out of the sentence and it caused Derek's heart to twist even more.

"It's gonna be o…."

"Stop saying that! You don't know. None of us knows. It could be a million things. It could be a tumor, it could be blindness without any reason it could be… I don't know… but it could be a lot of things."

"You're right. But I also know that… well that we're gonna be given a break after all we've been through and it's gonna be nothing."

She held out her hand in front of her eyes "I can't see my own hand Derek! How is this nothing?" she exploded.

He just kissed the top of her head while he pushed her wheelchair towards the MRI. He knew it was best to refrain from talking for a small while to leave her to deal on her own accord. She didn;t need the additional hardship.

….

As they arrived at the MRI room, Christina, Alex and Lexie had already been waiting there. They'd heard.

"Are you ok Mer?" Christina asked in the manner they both were so familiar with.

"Apparently I'm blind." she replied as if on drugs while slapping her lap with he hand.

"It's gonna be ok Meredith." Alex tried to reassure her.

"Yeah. I mean at least 80% of blindness cases are reversible. And most of them are caused indirectly, as a side effect."

"Oh god." Meredith and Derek exclaimed in unison, eliciting a "What" from the other three bystanders.

"It's the… it could be…" Meredith started to explain; more to herself than to the askers.

"Yes it could be. I definitely remember reading it somewhere in the very rare side effects."

"What? Side effects of what?" Christina asked, wanting in on the explanation.

"The fertility treatment." It was Lexie who replied, her being the bookworm- aware of all the statistics, side effects and similar stuff of the medical world. "It's a possible side effect of the fertility drugs." she repeated again, the implications of this sinking in on her. She was relieved, big time, that her sister wasn't blinded forever and that it was indeed reversible "It's reversible." and yet her heart sank cause she knew this meant Meredith couldn't have the much wanted and needed fertility treatment.

"You sure?" Derek asked

"Yes. I read it.. somewhere. I'm sure. As soon as she stops the treatment she should regain full eyesight."

"So as soon as I finish the last two treatment rounds, my eyesight should return and everything will be just fine." Meredith thought out loud. Though not liking the idea of having to stay blind like this for another second, she could live with a couple of days, for the sake of her hostile uterus and her McBaby.

"I think we should talk to Dr Fields first." Derek told her wanting to stay on the safe side.

"God! Why does everything have to be so complicated!" Meredith complained as they left the room, heading towards the OB floor.

She was relieved. Derek was relieved. Two more days and they'd hopefully have a baby-prone uterus and a mummy that can see her future baby and do her job.

"It's gonna be ok!" Derek reassured her, this time distinguishably more calm and much more convinced. "We'll see what she says, you'll probably need to lay low for one and a half day or so, with me spoiling you every second along the way and then it'll be over. No blurriness, no darkness and no hostility." he smiled while kissing her lips.

"Haha…" she laughed "I like that idea… and you'd better make it up to me for going though all this trouble for your baby."

"I sure will…" he replied while kissing her again. This time more temptingly.

…

"You were right. This is most probably a side effect from the treatment. You are one of very few to suffer this side effect."

"So as soon as I finish the remaining two pills, my vision should return to normal."

"No you need to stop the drugs and _now,_ in order to make sure that this doesn't cause permanent damage to your eyesight."

"But…"

"I'm sorry Dr Grey, but you know as well as I do, that there's no gambling when it comes to these things. An extra second could make all the difference in such matters. And I'm sure Dr Lam will agree as soon as I tell him."

"Tell me what?" Dr Lam asked as he entered the room after having been paged a few minutes ago.

"The fertility treatment Dr Grey is having has temporary, and in some cases permanent, blindness as a rare side effect. And this is what's happening to her now."

"I was wondering if I could continue the treatment, there's only two pills left in this cycle… and…"

"I'm sorry Dr Grey, but that's completely out of the question. Dr Fields is right, I completely agree with her. You need to stop the treatment right now and we'll put you on a round of dialysis to get the rest of the drugs out of your system. If the drugs really are the cause, which they probably are, your eyesight should return by the end of the day."

"But.. I…." Meredith was so angry that she couldn't even argue so she looked around for Derek for help. She felt so lost. And so… helpless.

"I'm sorry, Meredith. But I think the doctors are right. You know how precarious these things are. We can't risk it."

"What? I can't believe you!" she yelled while raising her arms in the air towards the direction of his voice.

"I'm really sorry Dr Grey. But I'm afraid, you're gonna have to look for another way or protocol to get pregnant." Dr Lam explained as he left the room to set up a dialysis appointment for Meredith.

"I'm really sorry, too. I wish there was any other way." Dr Fields shared Dr Lam's sentiment, before equally leaving the room.

As soon as Meredith heard the door close behind them she looked into the air, hoping it was in Derek's direction before addressing him "Way to abandon our baby!" she was really hurt and pissed at him.

"Meredith…." he moved closer to her. And upon the contact of his skin with hers she turned her head away in the other direction.

He moved to face her again and breathed into her face to let her know that he was still facing her "We'll work it out. I know you're angry. I do. I am too. But we can't risk you loosing your vision... your career, over this."

"Great! So you don't want a baby! Nice! Why do I even bother!" she folded her arms around her chest in anger. She was yelling at the air but he knew it was directed at him.

"Meredith! You know that's not true. I want nothing more than to have a baby with you. But I can't risk your well being for it. I won't! We'll figure something else. We'll keep trying. We'll look for other options. Go to better doctors. But I'm not letting you compromise your health." he held her shoulders and moved her slightly closer to him. He felt her resist at first but dialing back her anger a notch upon hearing his words. "I'll never forgive myself and you'll never forgive me, if I allowed you to loose you vision, because of this. No matter how bad we want it. It's just… I can't live with it."

She reluctantly nodded and he drew her closer into a protective hug. And she let him. She let him take care of her because she needed it. And because deep down she knew he'd been right, all along.

For the first time since her blindness, the full extent of the illness - albeit temporary- hit her. Really hit her. She'd never be able to see the light again. The colors. Their baby. Their house, the one they were just discussing this morning. Her friends. She'd never be able to operate again. To save lives. To hold a scalpel in her hands and feel that rush of adrenaline she gets from cutting. She'd never be able to see Derek's face again. His eyes. His smile. His…. Oh this was too much! She couldn't take it any more. She wanted to see. She wanted the blackness covering her eyes to lift. She wanted…..

She suddenly felt a wave of claustrophobia wash over her. Her cheeks were flushed, heat crawling up her body, she felt her breaths once again cling in her throat and she wasn't able to completely draw them in. She couldn't breathe. She couldn't… she just couldn't… she needed to get out.

He noticed the heat radiating of her body and her blushed face. "Meredith?"

"I… I….I…." she started struggling for breath.

She was having a panic attack. He knew this, not only because he was a doctor but because years ago he'd helped her through a similar situation.

"Sh…. sh….. slow deep breaths, remember… slow, deep breaths…." he held her one hand in his and started to take deep loud breaths himself for her to mimic.

"I… I can't…." she panicked even more. Her breath forming more and more painful lumps at the attempt of entering her body. She closed her eyes to escape her reality. The blank reality, in which she saw nothing. She had to close her eyes. She had to convince herself that she didn't see because her eyes were closed and she decided she'd remain with closed eyes indefinitely, until she was sure that when she'd open them, she'd see something, anything else but blackness.

"Shhh…. shhh…. squeeze my hand… squeeze my hand… breathe with me….. in" he inhales loudly "… out." he exhales….

He repeats the process numerous times, until her breathing is evened out with his.

She rests her head on his shoulders with her eyes still tightly shut. "I… I can't open my eyes." she admits.

"Yes you can… you sure can. Because after you get a drink of water, we'll head down for your dialysis and you know what… the next time you shut your eyes, you'll be opening them to the sight of me looking lovingly into your eyes as I'm doing right now. And you won't be able to resist kissing me. And that will hopefully lead to further things. And these things will lead to a baby…. the natural way!"

"You think?" she asks wanting nothing more than to believe him right here, right now.

"I know!" he beams. And somehow he does. Call it intuition. Call it crazy. But he just knew. He wasn't worried and he knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that everything would turn out fine. More than fine actually.

Despite her uncertainty she found herself smile. She knew that she wasn't supposed to be relieved just yet. She knew that she shouldn't open her eyes, in fear of the looming darkness. She knew that he couldn't possibly know anything for sure, especially this. But somehow despite all the voices in her head she believed him

She felt his face smiling back at hers, without even seeing it and she slowly yet surely opened her eyes to be facing him. For even if she couldn't actually see him, she could still 'see' him just in another way. And she could 'see' how his smile grew wider as he saw her eyes open to meet him.

"I love you!" he kissed her forehead.

"Me too…" she smiled contently under his kiss. He was right. Only a few hours to go and when she opens her eyes she'd be met with him and the world anew. And she knew that this time around she'd be truly looking at the world under a new light… This time, she'd see everything differently. She won't miss a single thing. For now she knew how precious a single blink of an eye was. How precious the world….

….

And one month later as she stood with him in the bathroom with the stick in hand, she knew she'd been right…. he'd been right…

For this time around, the the eight black letters shining under the light looked so much better than they ever did. This time the word 'PREGNANT' meeting at her eyes, looked like nothing she'd even seen before. And it was like nothing he'd seen before, either. And this time he was there to see it. From the very beginning.

They squeezed each others hands, they'd been holding on to for the past three minutes, with more love than they'd felt in a lifetime.

"This time, I'm with you from the start."

"And I wouldn't have it any other way." she nuzzled up to him.

He just lifted her ever so slightly above the ground while swaying around with her.

"What a sight!" she said contemplating the stick she still had in her hands. And indeed it was. For sight is something she now valued more than anyone, for she knew how it feels like to be without it.

"Hahahaha…." he laughed as he carried her back to the bedroom and carefully put her down on the bed "You'll take it easy from now on."

"I'll try my best… I promise…"

"I know you will" he kissed her again.

"And we'll have to see the doctor, follow her orders to the letter."

"We should and we will." she kissed him back.

"It doesn't get better than this!"

"It sure doesn't!" she agreed.

But little did the two of them know, that as soon as they saw those two sparking blue McEyes staring back at them, nine months later, they'd discover a whole new level of better-ness, one they'd remain oblivious to, until this moment in time.

Then they'd truly know vision…. and happiness.

Bright and Shiny, here they come!

* * *

So? You liked it? Hope it was fitting…. I mean as I said first GA fic so feedback more than appreciated =D 


End file.
